Streator To Receive $425,000 Grant to Search For “Alligators In The Sewers”

      Believers, It’s been something of an open secret in town for quite a while, but it seems the city is finally addressing the elephant in the room, or in this case, the alligators in the sewers. For years citizens have had to look twice before squatting on the toilet, stepping in the shower, and walking past a storm drain. But those fears will hopefully soon be put to rest thanks to a new project by the Mayor of Streator, Tara Bedei.

The grant comes as part of a program initiated by well known Warthog disguised as human, JB Pritzker.  “The CDBG program funded by the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development, Governor JB Pritzker and the Illinois Department of Commerce and Economic Opportunity (DCEO) will award a total of $48.5 million for 41 infrastructure projects, which will enable communities in non-metropolitan areas to make critical repairs to water, sewer, and drainage infrastructure to enhance safety and quality of life for residents.” According to the official cover story provided by the Lizard people in Springfield.

In our case, the funds will be used in a slightly different, yet related way, to combat the ever growing threat of the uncontrolled alligator population in the sewers. “The ninja turtles were unavailable, so we have to handle this problem on our own. The grant was for safe drinking water, and alligators are inherently not safe, so we figure it’s a fair use of the grant. ” Said a city official who wishes to remain anonymous. The city is preparing an elite team of their own, with the most advanced reptile hunting gear and gadgets tax payer dollars can buy in hopes of deploying in the next few weeks.

The elite team of croc hunters have seemingly cornered the abnormally sized animals near Vermillion St. “The project will line existing brick and clay sewers along S. Vermilion Street and through an easement running along Spring Street. The estimated project cost is $575,000, with the grant covering $425,000 and the remaining $150,000 coming from the City’s sewer fund. This project is part of the City’s long term sewer plan. This section is the last remaining unlined brick sewer in Streator.” We learned during a military briefing in the bunker below city hall.

“One city official inspecting the site has been eaten already; we lose a few good people every year. Thanks to Tara’s leadership, we should be able to reduce that number significantly” Said the leader of the expedition team. “We are tired of feeding them Croc-O-Crunch (a well known off brand cereal) in hopes of keeping their appetite fed, it’s simply getting too costly with the inflation and the rise of grocery costs at the checkout.” He added.

Some Streator citizens have a different perspective. “I mean if I found a gator I would want them to go to a nice welcoming home because they need some nice little boop on the snoot and head scratches and they'd love to be in a cute outfit” says local resident, Addison Mum who supports rescue over extermination. “They don’t seem that mean.” She added.  #AlliAllies has since started trending on twitter. Many locals have even offered to open their homes to these animals in hopes of giving them a safe place to stay. Streator Police warns that harboring illegal alligators in your home is in fact, illegal.

The sewer has been home to a legendary, yet illusive, giant crock for over 150 years. It’s fair to say they have made Streator their home too. Hopefully the city will be able to capture and rehome these creatures, that way everyone is happy. That being said, it is probably pretty difficult to find a home for an alligator the size of a school bus.

                Streator Mysteries is a nonprofit paranormal journalist organization. Our stories are based on independent investigations, anonymous sources, and eye witness accounts, thus should be taken with a grain (or shaker) of salt. For legal reasons we consider ourselves a “parody” news source, but the truth is out there if you are willing to look for it. Streator Mysteries, answering the questions nobody is asking.