New Gas Station Fountain Soda Causes Extreme Mania in “Some” Customers

                  From the “Big Gulp” to the “Polar Pop”, gas station fountain sodas are a staple of small town living. Whether it’s a quick drink on your lunch break, or a 2 a.m. pick me up, there is no denying it’s an essential product for many Streator citizens. But not only is 144 OZ drink a local favorite, it’s also a trillion dollar a year industry, and a new player has arrived!

                If you visited one of our local fueling stations this past week you might have noticed a new drink in the line up of various Coke and Pepsi products, it’s called N-Sane! and it comes with a few unexpected side effects. While there have been fountain drinks in the past that have experimented with energy and flavor shots, Brand-X’s new N-Sane! soda takes it to a whole new level. With a whopping 666 grams of sugar per serving, it’s no surprise some customers are left with some strange reactions.

                “My mom got the 200 ounce “Niagara N-Sane! Strawberry” while getting gas on our way home from my soccer practice. Within minutes she came out of the station screaming the lyrics to Bryan Adams’ Summer of 69! She ripped off the bottom of her shirt showing off her belly, and began dancing on the hood of the car!” Says a local student of Streator High School. N-Sane! comes in “Slamin’ Strawberry”, “Blueberry Blastoff”, “Chaotic Cherry”, and the default flavor

                Cases of “Mania” would soon skyrocket into the tens of dozens after one of our local gas stations, that wishes to remain unnamed, ran a special promotional sale of just 10 cents per soda! Within hours, there was a full blown riot in Streator, unlike anything seen outside of Gotham City. Streator police were soon overwhelmed as the scene turned into a full blown riot. With a lack of proper riot gear, and no high pressure water guns, Officers were forced to use super soakers to try to contain the unruly crowd of manic customers.

                The night will forever be known as “Manic Monday”, the day that fountain soda caused riots in the streets Streator. Netflix has contacted the city about filming a documentary. A source close to the situation says Nicholas Cage has been approached for a staring role. As for now, the soda has been pulled from distribution, but the story does not end there. Several “Nitro N-Sane!” 24 packs were sold before the products were pulled from the shelves. According the the Food and Drug Administration, there is no indication of where these cans may be, but likely in the homes of unaware customers.

                The Center for Disease control has been since making the rounds, knocking on doors, in an attempt to retrieve any unused product before it is consumed. In a joint statement with the City of Streator, the CDC says to be aware of the potential symptoms of ingestion, and report any suspicious activity to the local authorities. Citizens should be wary of any abnormal aggression, hyper activity, or strange affinity for “oldies” music. If a friend or family member is suffering from any of these dangerous characteristics, don’t hesitate to call the appropriate authorities.

                As for the parent company of N-Sane! Soda and Subsidiaries, Brand X, stock has been through the roof after a surprising surge in investments. Many inside traders believe that the military is behind the rise in stock prices, and the product could soon be deployed in active warzones. This however, remains to be seen, and at this point is nothing more than a conspiracy theory. But for now, citizens should focus on threat closer to home. Besides diabetes, these sugary drinks pose serious health risks, officials say.

                So next time you are gulping a Polar Pop, or sucking down a delicious fizzy 144 oz soda pop, keep in mind the dangers on the other end of the plastic straw. Do you really know what’s in your cold drink, because the FDA certainly doesn’t! We recommend you stick to the toxic plastic in the bottled water for the time being.

                Streator Mysteries is a nonprofit paranormal journalist organization. Our stories are based on independent investigations, anonymous sources, and eye witness accounts, thus should be taken with a grain (or shaker) of salt. For legal reasons we consider ourselves a “parody” news source, but the truth is out there if you are willing to look for it. Streator Mysteries, answering the questions nobody is asking.