Col. Plumb Statue Comes To Life, Goes On Racist Rant In City Park

                 Streator citizens were shocked this past weekend as reports of a bronze man, running amok in the city park, flooded the police switch board (or rather the awful 911 service used by the city). Several callers describe a man, seemingly painted a bronze color, harassing several citizens who were simply trying to enjoy their day. Police were further confused once they arrived on the scene and determined, this was not simply a man, but a statue that has come to life, further complicating the situation.

                According to witnesses a rouge lightning strike, on an otherwise sunny day, disrupted the peaceful farmers market held every weekend. A breezy and lazy afternoon was soon turned into a scene of complete chaos as it quickly became apparent the lightning had reanimated (or animated) the statue of Colonel Ralph Plumb that resides in the park.

                “At first, I thought it was super cool! It was like Frankenstein coming back to life!” said a father who was pushing his child on the swings. “But it went south pretty quickly.” He continued. We spent the next half hour explaining that Frankenstein was the name of the doctor, and it was actually “Frankenstein’s Monster” who was brought back to life in the classic novel. Despite being annoyed by the correction, he continued to explain how the events unfolded.

                “You could tell he was just as confused as we were.” He describes, as Col. Plumb was quickly overwhelmed by the “horseless” carriages that were stampeding down route 23, just feet away from where the statue was erected. Many onlookers whipped out their phones to document this historic moment, which only escalated the situation, that would soon turn into a PR nightmare for the local historical society.  “He was a little on edge, but still very curious about our phones, but he called them portable telecommunication daguerreotypes. We had no idea what that even means!” The father recalled.

                “The unbelievable event turned from slightly comical to downright offensive as Col. Plumb soon notice a woman walking with her groceries, featuring the a classic French baguette sticking out of a brown paper bag. This seemed to be the straw that broke the camels back, or in this case, the baguette that broke the reanimated statue of a war hero, as it would be the catalyst that pushed Col. Plumb over the edge and into a racist rant about the French. It appears that Plumb was unhappy with the French bread supposedly replacing American baked goods at the local grocery stores.

      Josée Malouin-Durdan, a French Canadian living in Streator, and the closest thing we could find to a bone-a-fide French person, gave an exclusive statement to Streator Mysteries. “It’s hard to believe that in this day and age, there would still be people who take issues with the mixing of cultures. America is supposed to be the great melting pot, and of course you need French bread to dip in the soup simmering inside.” She said.  One has to wonder how the Colonel would take it if he learned about French dressing, or god forbid, French fries.

                Police soon arrived on the scene and attempted to corral the first and former mayor of Streator, or in this case, the bronze depiction of him. They quickly found their tazers were useless, as they were unable to penetrate the man, formerly a statue. A local highschool history teacher attempted to deescalate the situation by offering Col. Plumb a quick overview of the last 100 years, but Plumb was simply too agitated for a history lesson.

                The situation would soon come to an end as authorities were able to lure Col. Plumb into a Carbonite trap, and reseal him for the foreseeable future. The chaos ended as quickly as it had started, but leaves a lot of lingering questions. Newly formed Human-Statue rights organizations are questioning the legality of holding Plumb indefinitely without a trial. Other are calling for the destruction of the statue all together, citing his racist rants. With the destruction of so many statues of historical figures in recent years, it sounds as though this could be the start of a lengthy court battle between Statue’s rights organizations, and the professionally offended for many years to come.

                Streator Mysteries is a nonprofit paranormal journalist organization. Our stories are based on independent investigations, anonymous sources, and eye witness accounts, thus should be taken with a grain (or shaker) of salt. For legal reasons we consider ourselves a “parody” news source, but the truth is out there if you are willing to look for it. Streator Mysteries, answering the questions nobody is asking.