SOUTH STREATOR SLASHER STRIKES AGAIN!

                 The South Streator Slasher, not to be confused with The South Streator Strangler OR The South Streator Stalker, has struck again! A body was found Friday night in, you guessed it, South Streator. The following special report is brought to you by our subsidiary, South Streator Mysteries.

                It was a seemingly normal Friday night in South Streator, or as close as normal as we get around these parts, when the typical weird atmosphere turned into one of horror. The sound of distant bar karaoke, a horror in and of itself, was abruptly overshadowed by the sounds of screams coming from the nearby cornfields. To the rest of Streator this may come as a surprise, but for the locals of our South Streator counterpart, this is common place this time of year. While you may find it an odd occurrence, the local folks see it as a yearly omen. The South Streator Slasher is back, and he has come home.

                For years the Illinois State Police (ISP) has been investigating a string of grizzly murders in the many corn fields around town. Even with the help of the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI), law enforcement is stumped when it comes to tracking the illusive Slasher. No one knows who he is, but they know exactly when and where he will strike again, this Halloween in Streator Illinois. As difficult has he has been to nail down, he has left clues. He has a type.

                The Slasher seems to be targeting single white women between the ages of 24 and 40. All suspects were found with Ugg boots, Starbucks Coffee, flannel shirts & jeans, as well as various plaid shirts of differing colors. Some are questing if the Slasher might be racist, as he seems to have a problem with murdering people who are not white. The only thing worse than a murder, is a racist. Detectives on the case quickly identified the Slasher’s M.O. and even tried sending male officers in wigs and appropriate basic b*tch attire to lure the Slasher out. As of yet, these sting operations have yielded no results.

                The first victim was identified as early as 1992, but there have been similar “slashings” going back hundreds of years. Though there were strong similarities between the historical cases and the one in the early 90’s, minor differences lead investigators to believe that the cases are not connected. Many officials are also quick to point out that 1992 is nearly a hundred years ago, and though the cases are strikingly similar, it is very unlikely someone alive in the early 90s would still be alive in 2023. Detectives are still trying to figure out how to analyze video evidence captured on CCTV, but they are unable to find a VCR to play the VHS tapes. “It’s essentially a dead end” Says the Streator Chief of Police.

                All hope is not lost as there are some precautions you can take to protect yourself from becoming the next victim. The Slasher himself has never been seen outside the cornfields, so if you hear whispers coming from within, don’t be lured into his trap. Secondly, he seems to be attracted to the smell of overpriced coffee, seemingly swimming through the sea of corn like a shark who smells blood. Finally he seems to be attracted to plaid, like a bull chasing red flags. Keep in mind that these signs are all conjecture on our part, and the Slasher could at anytime deviate from his current M.O.

                So next time you are partying with your friends in the cornfields, listening to Pearl Jam, keep in mind you may not be alone. If your friend Jessica wanders away from the group to go pee, tell her to take a few friends with her. And if you are just trying to go on a relaxing fall walk, beware the strange and eerie whistles coming from the field. Don’t be lured into the endless sea of corn, or you could be the next victim of the South Streator Slasher.

                Streator Mysteries is a nonprofit paranormal journalist organization. Our stories are based on independent investigations, anonymous sources, and eye witness accounts, thus should be taken with a grain (or shaker) of salt. For legal reasons we consider ourselves a “parody” news source, but the truth is out there if you are willing to look for it. Streator Mysteries, answering the questions nobody is asking.