MR. E | JULY 15, 2023

Streator Fireworks Stolen, City Frantically Postpones Show

                We have all heard of “Christmas in July”, but have you heard of the 4th of July in August? Me either. The reasoning behind the change in date may shock you, it sure did shock us. The fireworks, and the related materials were stolen by a group of bandits, not only that, but time travelling bandits.

                In the simple case of theft, Streator police would be able to immediately begin an investigation; however in this case, investigators find themselves helpless to track the bandits through time. A source close to the investigation says “We simply don’t have the resources or technology to pursue these criminals.”

                One might wonder what time bandits would need with our fireworks, some suggest they fireworks could be used to fuel their time travel machine, others think it was a deliberate act to postpone the event to prevent a historical tragedy. If this is the case, one has to wonder about the ethics of interfering in events in the past. Either way, one thing is for sure, the bandits are coming back.

                Thanks to advancements in modern technology, scientist were able to track the time machines departure and estimates that it will return in this time line in August 5th. No doubt authorities will be awaiting these bandits when they reappear in the future. “The event will continue as planned, just at a later date” says an official who wishes to remain anonymous. I don’t know about you, but I intend to attend the event! See you at the Streator fireworks on August 5th!

                Streator Mysteries is a nonprofit paranormal journalist organization. Our stories are based on independent investigations, anonymous sources, and eye witness accounts, thus should be taken with a grain (or shaker) of salt. For legal reasons we consider ourselves a “parody” news source, but the truth is out there if you are willing to look for it. Streator Mysteries, answering the questions nobody is ask

UPDATE:

A local Streator citizen has sent us a picture of the accused “time bandit” supposedly responsible for the theft. Streator Police have made an arrest, and we are happy to report the fireworks will proceed as planned!

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