Streator Police To Initiate “RoboCop” Program

It’s no mystery that the crime rate is up across the country, and unfortunately Streator and the surrounding areas are no exception. While some towns in the area feel powerless to combat this wave of crime, Streator is taking a different approach. “We have the technology to make a difference” said a city official who wishes to remain anonymous.

                It started with a perfect storm of circumstance, the city found it had unused funds in the budget that was about to expire, and the unfortunate accident suffered by a SPD officer on duty. Earlier in the year the, as of yet, unnamed officer that we will refer to as “Murphy, suffered an on the job injury that left him unable to fulfill his duties. According to the officer’s superiors “The loss to the community is simply too great to accept, [he] was a remarkable officer. But we came up with an idea, we can rebuild him, better than before.” He said with a strange mad scientist cackle.

                The day of the accident was like any other, Officer Murphy was hard at work chasing hooligans around the park to the theme of “Yakety Sax”(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zcq_xLi2NGo). However it would not be long before disaster struck! Officer Murphy was cornered by a group of ruffians intent on causing damage, with sinister smiles and a pocket full of eggs, the officer’s fate was sealed without a moments notice. Graphic detailed reports indicate that Officer Murphy was egged between 27-30 times that day.

                Nearly six months later, and after the discovery of the unused funds in the city budget, a new experimental program was initiated: to return Officer Murphy to duty. He would be stronger, smarter, and slower (for some reason) than before!  Thus Streator’s very own Robocop project was born. However the city quickly ran out of money, but thanks to a grant from Elon Musk and several technological donations from Boston Dynamics, the project was able to produce it’s first prototype robotic police officer.

                When asked where the city came up with the idea, an official stated “I don’t know, just kinda thought it up. I used to watch a lot of 80’s movies as a kid, and the Terminator idea I had was shot down by the Mayor pretty quickly, though we are not ruling out the possibility in the future.” When asked about possibly being in debt to Elon Musk for his contribution, the official said “Building a cyborg cop is a lot more expensive than we initially thought. The extra $50 we found in the budget went pretty quick.” Only time will tell what the long term ramifications of the deal with Musk will mean for Streator.

                As for Murphy, now code named “Streato-Cop” a new sense of purpose has been installed and the city is already seeing the benefits. And for those that are concerned about the dangers of employing a cybernetic officer and deploying him to the streets of Streator, the Chief of Police has this to say: “The citizens of Streator have nothing to worry about, Streato is programmed with three prime directives to ensure that he can only follow our orders.  1. Protect the citizens of Streator, 2 uphold the law, and 3… what the hell was that one again? Something about picking up litter, I think it was.”

                Citizens seem to take a liking to Streato. “He is the best officer on the force!” one citizen says. Another local said “He gave me a parking ticket in my drive way, but he did this really cool twirl with his gun, so that was pretty cool.” But some have taken issue the officer’s methods. “He shot out my tires for speeding down Rt. 23!” said the angry citizen changing his tire on the side of the road. “He kept asking me if I knew where to find Sarah Connor. I don’t even know who that is!” One woman said.

                As of the writing of this article Streato-Cop has issues 177 citations and made 3 arrests, only one of which required hospitalization of the suspect, as well as the replacement of a shop window in downtown Streator. The Mayor says, in a joint statement with Elon Musk, “We are looking forward to mass-producing Streato-Cop after the trial period ends.” It seems Streator is still in the 30 day free trial period of our subscription plan.  

                When asked for a statement, Streato-Cop just said: “Stay out of trouble.” He did not have time for an interview as he was late for a windows update, and his wifi connection was weak. But next time you are in need of help, and you are in an area with a strong wifi signal, you might just encounter the loud clunky steps of justice marching to your aid.

                Streator Mysteries is a nonprofit paranormal journalist organization. Our stories are based on independent investigations, anonymous sources, and eye witness accounts, thus should be taken with a grain (or shaker) of salt. For legal reasons we consider ourselves a “parody” news source, but the truth is out there if you are willing to look for it. Streator Mysteries, answering the questions nobody is asking.