StreatorPuff Marshmallowman attacks Everett Towers, Management Leaves Passive Aggressive Note

                Residents of Everett Towers in Streator were shocked last night, as a local accidently summons one of the manifestations of Gozer the destructor. While tenats of the building weren’t entirely surprised by event, they however stunned to find notes posted on their doors stating that “Manifestations of Gozer are not allowed in the building!!” As for the giant marshmallow man, one man said “That’s nothing, we see things like that all the time. Have you ever been up to the 7th floor?”

                Gozer the destructor (also known as Goezer the Gozerian, Gozer the Traveller, and Jason) is ancient Sumerian god who resided in Streator in around 6,000 B.C. All but forgotten thousands of years later, a eccentric Streator Architect Ivor Streator, had an obsession with the ancient myth. He was a city planner in the early 1900’s and is responsible for the design of many of our local buildings including Everett Towers. In addition to being an architect, Ivor was also a doctor who was accused of performing “unnecessary surgeries”.

                Ivor might be best known for forming a cult in Streator. After the end of the first world war, he believed society had become to sick to survive. He designed Everett towers as a “super conductive antenna” to draw in spirits in an attempt to bring an end of the world. When he died, he had almost a thousand followers. Despite his best attempts, he wasn’t able to open a portal into the spirit realm. But now in 2024, it seems that it might actually happen.

                I am sure you noticed it. The built up negative energy in today’s society, some of you might have actually seen the river of aggressive green slime beneath the city streets. We treat our neighbors as enemies, divide over every and any issue, and see people on the opposite side of the political spectrum as villains. We worship politics, much like Ivor Streator worshiped Gozer. We are in a constant battle of who is morally superior, we have become so lost in our fictions and the bouble we built around ourselves, that we have forgotten what it means to be human. We forgot to love each other first, to realize before race, religion, or political party, we are human first. It’s the true end of the world, not with a bang, but with an angry social media post. In short human sacrifice, mass hysteria, dogs and cats living together, the end times are here.

                But the perfect symbolization of the fall of humanity was witnessed last week ouside the windows of Everett towers. An innocent mascot, a representation of a more pure time, “StreatorPuff” was witnessed walking down the street. Missing was his iconic smile, but replaced with an evil grin as he attempted to scale the building. The beloved mascot known for making children smile, was now invoking screams of terror from inside the building. But thanks to a newly formed division of Streator Mysteries, The “MysteryBusters” were able to talk down the fluffy paranormal entity and encourage him to return to the realm from whence he came.

                The real nightmare began the next morning as tenants of the building received notices posted to their door warning them that paranormal entities, particularly marshmallow men are not allowed inside the building. Anyone caught attempting to summon Gozer, or any ancient gods or demons, are “subject to a $75 fine, with the possibility of eviction on the third attempt.” Another note says “Greg needs to stop urinating in the elevator” but we believe it’s referring to a separate unrelated incident.

                While the immediate crisis seems to be over, the bigger issue remains. Gozer may have lost the bid to run for president this year, but 2028 is closer than it seems. Let’s not forget what makes us human, treat each other with love and kindness. Remember people with a different point of view are not your enemy. We have more in common with each other than with any other creature on the planet, in a sense, we are truly brothers and sisters. So check in on your neighbor, ask old lady McHiggins if she needs help carrying in her groceries, and treat our shared spaces with respect (this is about you Greg). Because at the end of the day, we are all lost in a different mystery, just trying to make in the same mysterious world.

                Streator Mysteries is a nonprofit paranormal journalist organization. Our stories are based on independent investigations, anonymous sources, and eye witness accounts, thus should be taken with a grain (or shaker) of salt. For legal reasons we consider ourselves a “parody” news source, but the truth is out there if you are willing to look for it. Streator Mysteries, answering the questions nobody is asking.