Streator Bill Walsh Sells Transformer to Teen, Refuses To Help With War Against the Decpticons

                Autobots, Assemble! There is a new vehicle on the streets of Streator hidden among the rusted out pickup trucks, terrible sounding base, broken mufflers, and 90’s sedans with oversized rims. Thought it may seem like a typical Illinois rust bucket, underneath the multi color paint job lies a fully sentient being with the ability to transform from robot to vehicle at will. A lot has been said in the media lately about trans rights, but how does letting a Transformer roam the same streets as your children effect you personally?

                Local teen Madysen was surprised to say the least, when her father told her he was buying her a new car for her birthday. She was even more surprised when that car transformed into a two story tall robot in the Wendy’s drive through. What started as a simple road rage incident, soon turned into a full blown war between the Autobots and Decipticons. But how did we get here? To understand this situation, we have to go back to the source, Bill Walsh of Streator.

                Usually the biggest concern at a used car dealership is getting a lemon from a fast talking car sales man, but it’s safe to say nobody expects to get a giant robot with no extended warranty. Madysen was told she could have any car on the lot that was under $5,000 which itself is a pretty rare occurrence these days. It wasn’t until hours after signing on the dotted line that Madysen began to notice her car was speaking to her through the onboard GPS system. At first she thought it was just the radio, and the station’s host was oddly aware of what she was doing. However it turns out that her 2012 Honda Civic was actually communicating with her directly.

                “It was kind of nice to talk to. I named him Greg, we became good friends. I thought he was just a talking car, like Herbie or something, I had no idea he could turn into a giant robot.” Madysen told us in an exclusive interview with Streator Mysteries. Greg, also known as “Fender Bender” on his home planet, had a lot to say for an older model car, and it turns out he had some pretty extreme political views. Madysen soon went from having a vehicle to confide in, to listening to long podcast style rants about world affairs. Finally having enough, Madysen’s dad returned to the dealership to get a refund.

                Bill Walsh quickly pointed out that all vehicle sales, robot or not, are final and that there was no extended warranty on this model.  Even after explaining that his daughter had joined forces in the war against the Decepticons, the sales manager told him that they are not responsible for any misadventures that may arise from a purchase of any vehicle on their lot.

                “If we took responsibility for every unexpected side effect of buying one of our cars we would be out of business.” Says a spokesman for Bill Walsh of Streator. “Keep it under 88 miles per hour if you don’t want to travel through time, or over 55 miles an hour if you don’t want it to explode. It’s all right there in the contract! Besides, a lot of customers consider it an added bonus. If we knew the car was a robot, we would have charged more.” He quickly pointed out that Streator Police Department is more than happy with their new Knight Industries 2000 crime fighter.”

                Which brings us to the incident in the Wendy’s drive through,  Madysen just wanted to enjoy her Biggie Bag on her lunch break when she was cut off by a pickup truck with a “Make Decepticons Great Again” bumper sticker, and a rival faction’s flag. Fender Bender, and his rivial Progressive Prime, both transformed into their robot forms and hurled insults as well as parked cars at each other in an intense political debate.

                Thanks to Madysen’s quick thinking, she was able to turn the war zone into a fiery, but mostly peaceful debate. She set up a booth with a sign affixed to it that read “Autobots and Decepticons can be friends, change my mind” and the two parties were able to talk it out in a constructive manner. At the end of the day, no minds were changed however both robots left with a deeper understanding of each other’s perspective. If nothing else, it’s a step in the right direction says Madysen. “If these machines, these Transformers, can learn the value of a human life, then maybe we can too.” She said.

Streator Mysteries is a nonprofit paranormal journalist organization. Our stories are based on independent investigations, anonymous sources, and eye witness accounts, thus should be taken with a grain (or shaker) of salt. For legal reasons we consider ourselves a “parody” news source, but the truth is out there if you are willing to look for it. Streator Mysteries, answering the questions nobody is asking.